Societal Pressure Escape Velocity
Issue #30 · Quarter-life/mid-life crises are good, actually.
Hi there, I’m Emily! 🙋🏼♀️ For those who are new, here’s a quick catch-up:
Five years ago, I packed my life into a suitcase and hit the road, moving to a new city every few months. Now, I write stories about the quirks, chaos and realities of living abroad, intertwined with my attempt to design a happy, meaningful life.
If you enjoy this post, stick around — something big is coming later in 2025!
May 12, 2024: Hi friends! Today’s post is an extra special one: I’m excited to finally present my capstone essay for Write of Passage, Cohort 12!
Not only is this piece the culmination of the entire five week bootcamp, it also covers a topic that I’ve been mulling over for months — but have chickened-out from publishing several times (read on to reveal the incredible irony in that). It feels especially liberating to finally put this one out into the world, and so more than ever, I’d love your feedback.
Societal Pressure Escape Velocity
Graduate from college → Move to the big city → Get a promotion → Get engaged → Get a dog → Buy a house → Have babies
It’s the sequence many people follow. It’s the sequence most of my friends followed. And it was the sequence I was following, up until suddenly, I wasn’t.
Throughout early adulthood, neither my personal nor professional life panned out the way that society says it should. While all of my friends went through the wedding circuit in their late 20s, I remained stubbornly single. I balked at putting down permanent real estate roots in a city I was lukewarm on, and climbing the corporate ladder felt suffocating, as sitting in a cubicle was wildly out of sync with my actual life aspirations. I daydreamed about ditching this off-the-shelf routine for something more stimulating, but my autopilot button was stuck [ON] and I continued apathetically pursuing those traditional benchmarks of success.
There was nothing stopping me from switching things up besides avoidant excuses and a manufactured fear of judgment: Who was I to give up my stable salaried job to freelance? Who was I to sell all of my things and travel the world? Why wasn’t I saving up for a down payment on a house or looking for a husband? I wanted to make a change but felt trapped. It wasn’t quite golden handcuffs nor a fear of the unknown — I was confident that I could handle any hiccups waiting for me on the other side. Instead, it was societal pressure to conform and a fear of other people’s opinions that kept me stuck. While everyone zigged, I lacked the courage to zag.
It’s a common problem, especially in white-picket-fence-workaholic American culture. All too often, the “shoulds” drown out the sound of our actual desires, and we spend our lives doing what we think adults are supposed to do at the expense of our true callings or deepest passions: the trip that was never taken, the side project that was never launched, the toxic relationship that was never ended, the career change that was never pursued.
Now, I’ve only realized any of this in retrospect, after a domino effect of accidental forks-in-the-road and a well-timed global pandemic provided an opportune escape route into a life without long-term plans, a permanent homebase or a well-defined career path. With my roadmap suddenly out the window, I instead began indiscriminately chasing whatever called my attention: I lived in a dozen different countries, refocused my freelance work several times, learned a second language, took a semi-sabbatical, and put worrying about mortgages, marriage and motherhood on the back burner. It’s been unexpected and unpredictable, but after four of the most fulfilling, impactful years of my life, I can confidently say that life’s detours, pauses and restarts are something that we should celebrate — quarter-life/mid-life crises are good, actually.
Because as it turns out, life is not a series of video game levels that you need to unlock in order to pass to the next stage. More importantly, even if you accomplish each milestone as expected, you’re not automatically guaranteed happiness. So what are we all racing towards? There’s so much untapped opportunity outside of society’s pre-written narrative, and if you can muster enough courage to deviate from the status quo — what I like to call societal pressure escape velocity — life’s playground awaits.
This carpe diem type of advice is nothing new, and I believe that it’s preached so often because many of us never end up putting it into practice. It takes guts to make significant changes, knowing when to pivot can feel like a guessing game, and it’s terrifying to restart after the rug has been pulled out from under you — even if you pulled the rug yourself. You’ll likely spend months or years overthinking things, second-guessing yourself, and ruminating over the pros/cons list until you (hopefully!) arrive at your breaking point and take action.
And that first leap of faith will feel outrageous. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, wondering “did I really just put in my two weeks’ notice with no backup plan?” or “did I really just book a one-way flight to Tokyo?” or (for me, most recently) “did I really just hit publish and reveal my most private thoughts out openly to the world?”
But the second time you do any of these things, it gets easier.
With each big, daunting decision comes momentum that will help you take the next leap. Because in the aftermath of these big, daunting decisions is the reality that you survived, you’re still here alive and kicking, and the world did not stop spinning. In fact, things may have even taken a turn for the better! Sometimes, only in hindsight do we realize how physically draining or mentally destructive a situation was, so chances are you’ll be left wondering “why didn’t I do this any sooner?”
Fortunately, that feeling of finally being in the driver’s seat of your own life does not go away, and the knowledge and experience gained from each bold move will only continue to snowball into more open doors and new opportunities: When I sold most of my material things to move across the country, I didn’t realize that I was simplifying the decision to eventually book a one-way international flight. And when I left the safety net of my cubicle, I had no idea that I was paving the way towards seeing my name on the shelf at Barnes & Noble. There’s massive upside potential in non-conformity, as it’s actually possible to generate your own luck and serendipity through active, intentional decision-making.
It’s natural to be afraid of change, but I promise that you are never as boxed-in as it may seem. In scientific terms, escape velocity is the minimum speed an object needs to break free from a gravitational force — starting with baby steps is just fine. I never would have begun freelancing full-time if I first didn’t pick up a few small gigs, and I never would have solo traveled through Asia if I didn’t first sign-up for a group trip. Many choices that I make on a whim today seemed like life-altering, irreversible decisions just a few years ago, mostly because I’ve found truth in the phrase “leap and the net shall appear” — once you summon enough bravery to jump, the rest is mostly just paperwork and logistics.
That being said, while taking risks has certainly become easier, I still have not reached peak societal pressure escape velocity — not even close. There are plenty of days that I wake up wondering if I should settle back down in the States and pick up where my old life left off. I still worry about what people think of me, still try to justify my decisions, and still feel the invisible tug from society to fall back in line. Visits back home can feel like an interrogation session, as friends and family pryingly speculate when “this little travel phase” will blow over, and my explanation that I optimize for personal fulfillment, not profit, is usually met with blank stares. I often need to remind myself that it’s absolutely okay to not have concrete future plans, because as long as I’m genuinely happy and pursuing things that bring me joy, then this is not a problem that needs solving.
Society’s traditional narrative is ingrained in us from day one, so a widespread cultural shift in perspective won’t come easily. In fact, many people will never embrace alternative styles of living, and that's totally okay — because to be clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting one lifestyle over the other, as long as it’s been a thoughtful decision. But for those wondering if non-linear life might suit them better: know that the path is there for those who want it, and that there’s endless opportunity for personal evolution, growth and reinvention on the other side of society’s gravitational pull. In the end, an authentically lived life that’s full of twists, turns, diversions and detours tells a more interesting story anyway — so don’t be afraid of making yours one worth sharing.
Recommended related posts:
Schlepping It — Reality check: The full-time travel lifestyle isn’t always so glamorous.
Stacking the Happiness Odds in Your Favor — My thoughts on the domino effect that results from the decision of where we choose to live.
One Year On The Road: Looking Back — My nomad origin story.
A massive thank you to my Write of Passage coaches, editors and peers that helped transform my scatted thoughts into a polished piece that I’m genuinely proud of. An extra special shout out to: , , , , , , Alejandro Navia & Anne Marie Bell. You guys are the best!
This describes a lot of how I felt before we moved back in 2021. And in some respects I still feel it.
Love this Emily. A lot of what you wrote resonates in many ways with me. Thanks for sharing it!